I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize