You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
