I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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