When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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