There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
