The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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