I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
