carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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