Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
