Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
