My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
