Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
