If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
