Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
