so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
