The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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