Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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