You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
