his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
