at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
be right there i have to get my cape
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
