Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
