How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
