And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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