Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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