4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
They are going to name an STD after you.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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