You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
