hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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