oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I need water and some morals
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
