I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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