3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Everclear isn't food dammit
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
