My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
