My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
