things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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