I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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