she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
