Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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