he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
