I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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