i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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