saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
