Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Are we still banned from the library?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
