Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was not drunk enough for that final.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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