yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize