It's like a parade of train wrecks.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
