if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the day after is always just damage control
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize