did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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