I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
