Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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