vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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