Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
