I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
