You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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