I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
