Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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