when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
