I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
