Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
