Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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