Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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