I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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