I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize