He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
