The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
