2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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