I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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