I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
A+ Viking dick
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
