Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
