you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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