I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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