I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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