rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I seem to have left my pride at pride
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
