are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
