If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
