Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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