anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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