Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
