so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
