I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
