I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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